Rude Empath

T he time is nigh to spread your wings and fly. This is about the extent of my poetic prowess in trying to express moving out. Whether one is looking for hostel accommodation or a three-bedroomed apartment, there comes a time to fly the coup. And the search is all but easy.  Photo: StuffWeLike Aside from the monthly rent budget, there are other factors for consideration. Proximity to amenities,  decent infrastructure, familiarity stemming from previous living quarters, locations visited, homes in which one has been hosted, HGTV and Pinterest (it's okay to admit it. This is a safe space).  Therefore, I compiled all the virtues a house should possess as building blocks to being a home. Might as well launch into adulting with high spirits, yes? The choices are limited to bedsitters, SQs and single rooms before working my way up the property acquisition ladder. This does not exempt me from viewing houses outside of my price range. One must have something to aspire to, as Teac...

M otorists using multimodal roads as their private F1 tracks, please! Spare us the unnecessary theatrics. Not until you can afford a personal race track. In the meantime, only allow your speedometer to clock 180 km/h in the dead of night on a clear road stretching for miles on end where there are few pedestrians if any. I see no downside. Should you gain entry into the great Ferrari track in the sky, let it be a ticket admitting only one: you! The fact remains that Kenyan motorists are starved for that nationally authorised speeds - 80kmph rightly popped into your mind - stuck in traffic for excessively long periods.  At the sight of a mere 15cm of road, it's pedal to the metal to make up for the lost time. Unfortunately, in the haste, road users who rank  lower  face higher risks resulting in negative cross-user biases.  Joe is the proud owner of a navy blue KAA 001A Subaru inherited from his maternal uncle's cousin. He conquers the dusty rough road from his ...

B illowing winds ferrying the fabulous fragrance of freshly dry laundry comes at a price. That once a week, one hour stint hunched over an assortment of buckets and basins to clear out the piling mountain of soiled clothes -between the two of us, it is to avoid accumulation over another week. A groan as I uncoil from the hunched position that had been imparted during an instrumental science class about machines: making work easier. Surely, any sensible human wants to lighten their load, within the bounds of the law, and washing machines plug seamlessly into my quandary. Obviously, washing on the verandah outclasses doing so by a river that could conceivably be crocodile-infested, but is it not the purpose of development to constantly improve upon the status quo?  Photo by Andrienne Anderson Here are three reasons I believe housing units should be fitted with a washing machine area or have a laundromat such as mimi fua ,  osha na coin in the locale but my favourite is...

R enovations are not that large an economic contributor east of the south of the Sahara, much less residential renovation. Not that I am claiming to be an authority on matters construction by any stretch of the imagination. However, a homeowner/tenant takes a few liberties to make their house acquire a homely ambience. Courtesy: Lucid Audio As such, a visit to congratulate my aunt on the birth of her baby girl coincided with a minor welding job. For one to elevate the habitability of a home with the arrival of a newborn is not uncommon. And the expectations were that the welders would take approximately 8 hours daily, for three days until the conclusion of their undertaking. Sparking and crackling as metal melded together was bearable. The grinding down of spatters, hammering of the steel bars for alignment_important practices for a good finish_ none of us were ready for! The fact that this carries on after-hours was most agitating. Me: Knock knock? Them: Who’s there? Me: Pissin’ The...

“Hi there and karibu. Is this your first time dining with us?” The waiter gracefully hands you a menu and goes on to share the chef's special. An introduction into what will be a gastronomic journey to leave you all smiles. On the contrary, just the thought of visiting a public service office in my motherland sets off an inconsolable migraine. Take my imaginary hand, let us take a stroll  through one.  Offices are meant to open at 0800hrs, shockingly (if you live up to Chronos’ ideal) this is not the case. When it eventually does, so-so cleaning eats up another 10-15 minutes: time in which the civil servant would be efficiently utilizing to have breakfast but instead are recapping yesterday's episode of Maria.  Finally, the door swings out. Eyes widen with hope. We flock. She points back to the rickety, chipping, blue bench. The ‘nice’ lady is now yelping into the hallway, “I'll call you when I'm open” where we are sitting despondent, after one brave young...

M atatus, exquisite works of art on wheels and where I draw the majority of my despair. Predominantly because there are multiple areas of improvement within this transport method. Today's encounter tested my thermal comfort and my faith. Packed in a 14-seater to transverse 4 counties, I was too frugal to shell out an additional ksh50 that comes with the shuttle luxury of 3 fewer seats. Two hours have elapsed. We are still at the bus stop waiting for two more travellers for us to be on our way. It is a sauna! And rather than the euphoria experienced in a steam chamber, I sit in a sticky agitated mass of paranoia even though the windows are closed as I use my phone. Thank goodness, we are finally off. Glance around to acquaint myself with the present county-crossing community and surprisingly majority are still in their jackets. In all fairness, it rained this morning, but now the temperature has risen to unbearable levels! Are they immune to the heat? May...

P ristine tree-lined walkways offer a glorious mix of visual and thermal pleasures along Dennis Pritt in the heat of a low hanging equatorial sun. Similarly, warm hues of street lighting must evoke romance in a sweltering Njaanuary evening, one would think. Even though I have traversed this road countless times on my way to work, the evening walk is hellish. That's harsh, the devil probably has tiki torches and fire cauldrons illuminating his real estate. I stumble along at an eighth of my normal speed, careful not to step in dog doo. How I wish I was bat-girl, using sonar, I could find my way home much quicker in this canine-doodie embellished infrastructural maze. Courtesy: Pixabay on Pexels Psychologically I am in a state. A state of short-lived scares dancing in harmonious disquiet. Please note, I'm a small-framed female invisibly (due to the blinding darkness) lacking the art of Krav Maga.   Deduction : poorly lit areas do not inspire the feeling of safety. Perhaps t...